party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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