There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
