the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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