96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
this hospital has no fireball
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
