He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
