You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You are the jesus of drinking
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
