her vagine was all disorganized.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
