How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
