Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
