Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
