So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
