she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize