I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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