Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
