It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
