Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
