so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
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You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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