Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
