here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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