you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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