every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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