Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
