wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The police scanner is talking about you again....
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
