history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
