i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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