She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
