On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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