Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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