She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I am one with the molecules
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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