I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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