I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
