I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
