We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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