We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
