Umm I'm too high to move.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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