New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
