I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
