Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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