Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
