she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
