My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
