i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
