Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
