dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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