i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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