Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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