just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
