Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
