youre lurking in front of me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
