You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
