I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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