Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
