i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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