If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
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I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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