I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
