you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
