when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
