Jerry, you need to find god
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
