So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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