After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize