I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
