Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
