i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
