dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
